Choosing to Adult

As many of you will know I am graduating this April and with the bitter-sweetness of ending my undergraduate career at BYU comes the anxiety of trying to solidify plans of impending adulthood. I am a planner. At the age of 5 I had laid out my 20 year plan and things seemed to be going my way up until these last couple weeks. And as many of you may know I tend to over-analyze every minute detail and possible outcome causing me to worry incessantly about the future. This week something along those lines happened but to the extreme. There may or may not have been tears and calls to the padres but you know this is normal when life decisions come my way and I can't deal. I decided the best thing to do after, I got done calling my dad, was to pray. I found myself after thinking that I should just read the Book of Mormon to calm down. I opened up to where I had left off in Alma 32. This is the famous chapter that Alma preaches to the Zoramites less-actives about faith but the verses that stuck out most to me were these:

24 And now, my beloved brethren, as ye have desired to know of me what ye shall do because ye are afflicted and and cast out - now I do not desire that ye should suppose that I mean to judge you only according to that which is true-

25 For I do not mean that ye all of you have been compelled to humble yourselves; for I verily believe that there are some among you who would humble themselves, let them be in whatsoever circumstances they might. 

26 Now, as I said concerning faith - that it  was not a perfect knowledge - even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge. 

Now this meant the world to me. It may not make sense to you, but this fits my situation perfectly. I was and to a certain degree am feeling a little cast out and am truly desiring of the Lord what it was/is that He would have me do. I know that the Lord has a plan for me. More than ever do I know that He has a plan for me. Don't you just wish sometimes that He would just reveal it to you like, in the mail or over text or email the Lord would just tell you his line by line, year by year plan for you? It doesn't happen that way and its kinda disappointing because unfortunately its just human nature, but like the scriptures say knowing what we want isn't using our faith. Its not a perfect knowledge. Its just not. I won't be able to know for sure what my plan is to perfection but the Lord does and (without forfeiting my ability to choose) He will guide me in the way that is best IF I AM FAITHFUL and I humble myself. I've noticed that every time a plan of mine has gone awry its because I think my plan is the best and Heavenly Father is just laughing saying, "Oh my dear, sweet daughter, you have no idea how perfect of a plan I have for you. If you would just stop your pride and be flexible for a change you'd see it too."

I'm a stubborn girl and I obviously needed another reminder. This week has been a trial but with the help of the Book of Mormon its also been a huge blessing and lesson in figuring out how to adult. 

Lots of love and good luck wishes, 

Lexi 

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